The Vow Builder Worksheet

For couples sitting there thinking:
“Okay cool… but how the hell do we actually START writing these things?”

This page is designed to help pull the meaningful stuff out of your brain and turn it into vows that feel personal, genuine and very much not copy-pasted from Pinterest.

And remember:
your vows do not need to be perfect.

Don’t try and recreate Bob and Jill’s vows, you aren’t Bob or Jill!
They are called personal vows because they are personal to you

First Things First
Pick Your Vibe

  Do you want your vows to be funny, romantic, religious, or completely unique? Either way, we recommend that your vows last for one to two minutes

TIPS FOR FUNNY VOWS

Make sure you include things that family and friends know about, so they’re “in” on the jokes. This isn’t a stand-up routine or a roast, so keep it lighthearted.

TIPS FOR ROMANTIC VOWS

Include 1-3 personal, unique promises.
Avoid cliches, and don’t include anything too personal or romantic.

TIPS FOR SENTIMENTAL VOWS

Tell a couple anecdotes that showcase your love. Practice in front of a few friends a couple times to make sure you can keep it together.

Brain dump before you write anything

from the moment you are engaged, start writing little bits and pieces in your notes section on your phone.
Then when it comes time to wiritng your vows, you can reflect on this, instead of racking your brain trying to remember why you actually want to spend your life with this one person!
Examples below:

TOP MEMORIES/MOMENTS TOGETHER
WHAT DREW YOU TO THEM?
HOW DO YOU COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER?
HOW DO THEY MAKE YOU BE/WANT TO BE A BETTER VERSION OF YOURSELF?
WHAT DO THEY DO FOR YOU NOONE ELSE POSSIBLY COULD?
HOW DID YOU KNOW THEY WERE THE ONE?
WHAT DOES YOUR FUTURE LOOK LIKE TOGETHER?
WHAT DO YOU MISS MOST ABOUT THEM, WHEN THEY AREN’T AROUND?
THREE PROMISES YOU WANT TO MAKE TO THEM

How To Structure Your Vows Without Spiralling

  • ONE

    Start With The Heart

    Talk about:

    how you met
    when you knew
    what changed
    what they mean to you

  • TWO

    Tell Them Why You Love Them

    This is where the personal stuff lives.

    The quirks.
    The comfort.
    The chaos.
    The safety.
    The tiny details.

    This is the stuff people remember.

  • THREE

    Make Your Promises

    Funny, emotional, practical, romantic… doesn’t matter.

    The goal is sincerity, not perfection.

  • What NOT to do

    ❌ Don’t try to sound overly poetic

    If you wouldn’t normally speak like that, it’ll feel forced.

    ❌ Don’t try to “win”

    Your vows do not need to outperform your partner’s.

    ❌ Don’t leave them until the night before

    Trust me on this one.

    ❌ Don’t make them 14 minutes long

    Your guests love you, but respectfully… no.

    ❌ Don’t panic if you cry

    Nobody has ever looked silly crying during vows.

Final tips before the big day

Edit and Rewrite
Write multiple drafts. Don’t expect perfection on the first draft, or even the fifth.
Give yourself plenty of time to write and edit your vows.

Practice
Read your vows out loud. Try practicing in front of a mirror.
Once you perfect your delivery, you will be as confident as possible and ready for your big day.
When it’s time, look your partner in the eyes and speak from your heart.

Don’t Over-Think
Don’t put the pressure on yourself to try and ‘out do’ your partners vows, or even match them.
As long as you speak your hearts truth, you will nail your vows.

other handy resources